Only 21 days until I pack up and move 200 miles south. I have traveled a lot this summer. I have had plenty of quiet mornings to enjoy the sun shining over the mountain and wonder. Yet I feel like my words aren’t ready to be released to the world of the internet. I have so many sentences I could write, but every time I sit and stare at my screen it just doesn’t feel right.
I’ve pondered this strange writing paralysis. Maybe I just have writer’s block. Maybe I’m afraid. Am I just stifling my creativity? But I don’t think it is any of those things. In fact, I feel a strange peace at the lack of words on my screen. One word has been filling the void that the words dancing in my heart usually rest in: listen. God often speaks to me like that, through a deep, soul settling peace and a simple word.
I’m reminded that God doesn’t need my words, He never has and He never will. Actually, they aren’t my words at all. As Flannery O’ Connor says, “Don’t let me ever think, dear God, that I was anything but the instrument for your story— just like the typewriter was mine.” God is the real author, I am just an instrument for His story. I must be patient in His timing. For now, He is simply whispering that it’s not quite time for today’s stories to be shared, He’s still writing them.
To have stories to share, we have to be brave enough to live them. Though life is exciting, this stage of adventure and transition hasn’t been easy. I’m still trying to figure out how everything will come together. That’s the beauty of life, we can’t always see our next step. It’s all about learning to walk in faith, not always knowing but always trusting.
So these words leave no conclusion and don’t make much of a story yet. I’m just resting in this quiet. I’m leaning into God’s voice, seeking the lessons and the love He is giving me. I’m breathing in the feel of home and the journey in new places. I’m cherishing old friendships and creating new ones. I’m reading and journaling, writing the words that are only between me and God. I guess I’m living a story. And when God gives it to me to write, I’ll share it.